What makes a good role model?

There are a wealth of role models out there, some self-proclaimed, some upon whom the title has been conferred; some are fantastic, some...not so much. Individuals (particularly young people), look up to a variety of role models. A role model can influence someone's behaviour, how they manage relationships, and the decisions they make - this is why it's SO important that we are able to recognise positive role models, as well as those that can have a negative influence, which can be incredibly damaging.

So...what makes a good role model? First I want to be clear on what I mean by "good"; I am specifically referring to someone who has a positive influence on your life, someone who inspires you to live a positive and meaningful existence for YOU. Much of this will ultimately come down to subjective opinion - what someone looks for in a role model will differ from person-to-person depending on:

• Your personality
• Your own lived experiences
• Your values and preferences

Although there are a few key indicators of positive role models that are often shared:

1. Self-Awareness, Humility and Empathy

A positive role model is usually somebody who is authentically themselves and at least somewhat self-aware; someone who knows who they are (i.e., is aware of their strengths and weaknesses), is aware of their thoughts and the impact of them), and knows what their values are (also living according to these values).

Self-awareness usually comes hand-in-hand with empathy; the ability to understand someone else's thoughts and feelings in a situation, seeing things from their point of view, rather than just your own. Empathy is a key trait in positive role models, as they are able to interact with their community in respectful ways, building and maintaining strong connections. They enable people to relate to them in meaningful ways, offering constructive advice based upon their own lived experience.

Positive role models also demonstrate humility. They acknowledge that nobody is perfect and that everybody makes mistakes. Positive role models usually are willing to admit their mistakes, letting those who are watching and learning from them know that they have made a mistake and how they plan to correct it. This is done in a positive way, showing accountability and reframing any failures as opportunities to learn and grow.

There are ways to state your thoughts and opinions in respectful, empathetic ways. Be wary of those that aren't good communicators; those who resort to name-calling, hurling personal insults, speaking over people, the blame game, or invalidating the thoughts/experiences of others just to get their point of view across. There are more effective and respectful ways to communicate. A great role model doesn't crush other people in their relentless pursuit to reach the top.

2. They Don't Just "Talk the Talk"...

They walk the walk as well. It's easy for anyone to post an opinion online or take a stand in front of a crowd (especially if the opinion is widely held or is a popular devil's advocate take on something), but ask yourself: do their actions match their words? This is crucial.

If you find that their words and actions don't match, exercise caution. It is easy for someone to pay lip service to something to gain a following, but really you want to be finding role models who genuinely believe in their cause/community and actively practice what they preach.

You also want to avoid anybody who simply rides on the coattails of others - someone who follows trends or takes advantage of negative situations just to bolster their own presence or ego.

3. They Are Passionate AND/OR Committed

A positive role model is able to inspire individuals in a variety of ways, but more commonly through being passionate and/or committed to their role, community or cause. They may, for example, authentically share their story and their thoughts, or they may support and champion others - both of which can effectively demonstrate that they are genuinely committed to that cause/community.

Not every role model has to be passionate about everything 24/7. In fact, some people don't necessarily have "passion" for their roles but they still are positive role models with valuable perspectives. So passion is not essential. However, positive role models do usually demonstrate some sort of genuine interest or commitment in supporting their particular cause - usually by interacting regularly with the community, sharing their experiences and taking action to help others.

3. They Share Knowledge & Demonstrate Resilience

A positive role model openly shares their knowledge and demonstrates resilience through their ability to bounce back after setbacks. Everybody, no matter how successful or senior in their career, experiences setbacks. Good role models don't shy away from problems, blame or insult others, or wallow in negativity. They are able to face challenges and seek a way forward with an optimistic mindset, acknowledging and navigating any issues along the way.

Be wary of role models who paint success as a purely positive picture (it isn't). And don't let someone else's portrayal of success make you feel like a failure. Success is ultimately subjective; it could mean a high salary or dream house/car for some, but for others it could mean making a difference, achieving a positive work/life balance or finding purpose in their work. Positive role models may achieve their version of success through effort, commitment and perseverance, overcoming obstacles along the way. My point? It's not always sunshine and rainbows! And this is OK.

Remember, nobody is perfect...

Even positive role models can make poor choices. Some individuals mask aspects about themselves that don't become apparent until later down the line, others may simply make mistakes or errors in judgement. It's good to be aware of this, so you can start to recognise positive and negative behaviours, even in people you have previously idolised. Nobody is perfect, and nobody gets things 100% right or appropriate all of the time.

This doesn't necessarily make someone "less" of a role model (although in extreme cases it does - let's be clear...individuals preaching hate/discrimination should never be considered role models). It just means that it's important that you recognise that even the greatest role models can give bad advice/guidance - just because you look up to someone it doesn't mean that everything they say and do is right or appropriate. Exercise your own judgement!