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The Princess and the Clown
Clowning around isn’t all about red noses and rubber chickens…
For Ralph, birthday parties and frat houses only bring nostalgia
For a better time. A time when the world still cared about the craft.
Living in the past can be tiring with nothing to look forward to.
Until Jules…
The princess. Struggling to make ends meet, she monetizes her
Best talent. The performance, plus the petticoats, hide her carnal desires.
Ralph’s mind forgets its woes when lust takes over,
Breathing new life into pores caked with white makeup.
Time fades away, but the party never needs to end.
One question remains. Can Ralph handle her wild ways?
For Ralph, birthday parties and frat houses only bring nostalgia
For a better time. A time when the world still cared about the craft.
Living in the past can be tiring with nothing to look forward to.
Until Jules…
The princess. Struggling to make ends meet, she monetizes her
Best talent. The performance, plus the petticoats, hide her carnal desires.
Ralph’s mind forgets its woes when lust takes over,
Breathing new life into pores caked with white makeup.
Time fades away, but the party never needs to end.
One question remains. Can Ralph handle her wild ways?
124 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 28, 2016
About the author
Ian Thomas Malone
13 books406 followersIan Thomas Malone is an author, comedian, and podcast host. She earned her B.A. at Boston College in 2013, where she founded The Rock at Boston College and an M.A. from Claremont Graduate University. Ian's treatise The Transgender Manifesto is a bestseller in LGBTQ non-fiction. She has contributed chapters to academic books on James Cameron and Star Trek: Voyager. Ian's debut comedy album, Confessions From My New Vagina, was released in 2021. Since 2019, Ian has hosted the Estradiol Illusions podcast, covering entertainment and LGBTQ issues. Ian resides in Long Beach, California.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
February 10, 2017
This review and the rest of the crap I write can be seen @ my blog Bark's Book Nonsense . Stop by and say hey.
Netgalley said "Read Now", now tell me, how could I turn that down? I will likely live to regret this decision. Review in the near future.
Later . . .
I don’t know why I picked up this book. Wait, that’s a lie. The cover got me. Please don’t ask me to explain. It just is.
In all honesty, I wasn’t expecting The Best Book Ever when I picked up The Princess and the Clown and, you know what, I wasn’t at all disappointed. It’s rude, slightly funny and not at all erotic and just what I needed to waste away a few hours while stuck as a passenger in a car. I’m not real good at being a back seat driver.
Ralph/Jango was once a pretty successful clown with the circus but his act broke up years ago. Now he’s 40-something and entertains spoiled rich kids to pay the bills. This is how he meets Jules, AKA Princess Aurora, another 40-something, nearly washed up performer. Ralph is super professional but there is something about Jules that brings out the pervy in ol’ Jango the Clown.
Hijinks, sarcasm and dirty sex ensue but the sex isn’t all that explicit, it’s just mostly gross, at least if you’re use to reading the stuff I’ve been reading. I found it amusing, both characters were so prickly, “I’m a horrible person and you’re one ugly motherfucker. A perfect fit if I’ve ever seen one.” that it was funny. But I’m not like most people. So be warned.
Who do I recommend it to? Only you weirdos like me with some time to burn.
See my blog @ Bark's Book Nonsense.
Netgalley said "Read Now", now tell me, how could I turn that down? I will likely live to regret this decision. Review in the near future.
Later . . .
I don’t know why I picked up this book. Wait, that’s a lie. The cover got me. Please don’t ask me to explain. It just is.
In all honesty, I wasn’t expecting The Best Book Ever when I picked up The Princess and the Clown and, you know what, I wasn’t at all disappointed. It’s rude, slightly funny and not at all erotic and just what I needed to waste away a few hours while stuck as a passenger in a car. I’m not real good at being a back seat driver.
Ralph/Jango was once a pretty successful clown with the circus but his act broke up years ago. Now he’s 40-something and entertains spoiled rich kids to pay the bills. This is how he meets Jules, AKA Princess Aurora, another 40-something, nearly washed up performer. Ralph is super professional but there is something about Jules that brings out the pervy in ol’ Jango the Clown.
Hijinks, sarcasm and dirty sex ensue but the sex isn’t all that explicit, it’s just mostly gross, at least if you’re use to reading the stuff I’ve been reading. I found it amusing, both characters were so prickly, “I’m a horrible person and you’re one ugly motherfucker. A perfect fit if I’ve ever seen one.” that it was funny. But I’m not like most people. So be warned.
Who do I recommend it to? Only you weirdos like me with some time to burn.
See my blog @ Bark's Book Nonsense.
Read
June 25, 2016Ermmm...that cover....
June 11, 2016
I was given a copy of this book by the author in exchange for and honest review, and omg it wasn't what I expected. We meet Ralph an entertainer who was popular as Jango the clown who sadly life hasn't been good to and Jules who transform into Princess Aurora at children`s parties.At one of these upper class kids parties these two characters meet and sparks fly between them , not in that sense but Jules is quite bitchy towards Ralph. throughout the story even though Ralph is like a love em and leave em type of guy something about Aurora stirs something in him. Now dear readers I must say when I found out it was an erotica type book it is but not in the way we all think they are not your typical heroine and alpha male oh no they are middleaged and ralph is bald but as its a paraody I guess its how most of us normal people experience our methods of erotica and although I have only given it a three star rating it is a funny tongue in cheek book which if you have a spare afternoon you will enjoy reading........................ oh by the way watch out for the bumps you will know what I mean when you read it
June 30, 2016
Erotic Satire, how can you go wrong with that?
I was surprised by how much I loved the main character. Ralph is a sad washed up clown who would be considered a total loser in our society, but there's something about him that makes you feel for the guy. And his princess is so terrible, but she's real and that seems to work somehow. The sex scenes are hilarious and disgusting which fits them perfectly.
I was surprised by how much I loved the main character. Ralph is a sad washed up clown who would be considered a total loser in our society, but there's something about him that makes you feel for the guy. And his princess is so terrible, but she's real and that seems to work somehow. The sex scenes are hilarious and disgusting which fits them perfectly.
November 22, 2021
The Princess and the Clown, a novella from Ian Thomas Malone was an outstandingly fucked up book.
Not a fan of Bizarro Fiction? Maybe stay away from this one. While not explicitly Bizarro, it is a hair’s breadth away and we shall not be fickle in description.
Not to be confused with the children’s book by the same name, or the mid-1920s French film, Malone’s work is drug and sex fueled social wreck set in between children’s birthday parties and drunken bar time. Jango (Ralph) is a forty-something once famous clown, smoking - drinking - stealing pills from bathrooms at his gigs. Strangely enough, Princess Aurora (Jules) is also a 40ish drunk druggie pill thief.
Circumstances introduce them while the kiddos finished up a piñata or something… Jango ends up in face first in stifling Southern California heat, layers of tulle and Jule’s thighs.
Things ‘go down’ pretty fast from there as both individuals attempt to forget their depression and self loathing while attempting to make a couple dollars to keep the electricity on.
Worth reading if you have a stomach for the genre.
Lawsuit from Del Taco TBD..
Here lay some unfiltered Clown and Princess fetish nightmares.
Not a fan of Bizarro Fiction? Maybe stay away from this one. While not explicitly Bizarro, it is a hair’s breadth away and we shall not be fickle in description.
Not to be confused with the children’s book by the same name, or the mid-1920s French film, Malone’s work is drug and sex fueled social wreck set in between children’s birthday parties and drunken bar time. Jango (Ralph) is a forty-something once famous clown, smoking - drinking - stealing pills from bathrooms at his gigs. Strangely enough, Princess Aurora (Jules) is also a 40ish drunk druggie pill thief.
Circumstances introduce them while the kiddos finished up a piñata or something… Jango ends up in face first in stifling Southern California heat, layers of tulle and Jule’s thighs.
Things ‘go down’ pretty fast from there as both individuals attempt to forget their depression and self loathing while attempting to make a couple dollars to keep the electricity on.
Worth reading if you have a stomach for the genre.
Lawsuit from Del Taco TBD..
Here lay some unfiltered Clown and Princess fetish nightmares.
November 1, 2016
This review originally published in Looking For a Good Book. Rated .5 of 5
Oh. My. God. What the hell did I just read?
If you cross bizarro fiction with hard-core erotica you might get something that resembles The Princess and the Clown by Ian Thomas Malone.
Ralph is a down-on-his-luck clown who has seen better days. Known as Jango the Clown he was once quite popular. Now he's relegated to performing at children's birthday parties. He gets through the parties, with those screaming brats who don't want to see a clown, by sipping a little hootch that he's got tucked away in his over-sized pockets.
But as we start the book, Jango arrives at a party only to meet another clown already there. This one is the beautiful "Princess Aurora" clown (aka Jules). Princess and Jango sit off to the side, out of sight, waiting for their cue to go entertain and Princess suddenly has Jango go down on her, performing oral sex while they wait. Jango's got it made!
The party goes moderately well and they decide to try performing together a few more times and Ralph loves the sex he gets. But there's a problem ... Jules isn't a very nice person. Pretty on the outside but a black heart and vile on the inside. Whereas Ralph is just the opposite. He's about as ugly as ugly can be, but he's basically a pretty good person (except for his lascivious behavior and drinking before performing in front of a bunch of kids).
Jules and Ralph do some pretty nasty things at other peoples' homes and that disturbs Ralph (until he gets really horny).
This is ... it's ... it .... This is short. You can probably read the whole thing while sitting on the toilet, which is kind of appropriate.
I think that there's supposed to be some sort of message here about appearances being deceiving, or how erotica really isn't very sexy, but that message gets lost behind lines like:
Okay...that last one made me laugh, I admit.
The book relies on one through-line, which Jules says near the end: "I'm a horrible person and you're one ugly motherf*er. A perfect fit if I've ever seen one." If you like this idea, you might like this book. Unfortunately, I don't.
Looking for a good book? Me, too. 'Cause I didn't find one here.
I received a digital copy of this book from the publisher, through Netgalley, in exchange for an honest review.
Oh. My. God. What the hell did I just read?
If you cross bizarro fiction with hard-core erotica you might get something that resembles The Princess and the Clown by Ian Thomas Malone.
Ralph is a down-on-his-luck clown who has seen better days. Known as Jango the Clown he was once quite popular. Now he's relegated to performing at children's birthday parties. He gets through the parties, with those screaming brats who don't want to see a clown, by sipping a little hootch that he's got tucked away in his over-sized pockets.
But as we start the book, Jango arrives at a party only to meet another clown already there. This one is the beautiful "Princess Aurora" clown (aka Jules). Princess and Jango sit off to the side, out of sight, waiting for their cue to go entertain and Princess suddenly has Jango go down on her, performing oral sex while they wait. Jango's got it made!
The party goes moderately well and they decide to try performing together a few more times and Ralph loves the sex he gets. But there's a problem ... Jules isn't a very nice person. Pretty on the outside but a black heart and vile on the inside. Whereas Ralph is just the opposite. He's about as ugly as ugly can be, but he's basically a pretty good person (except for his lascivious behavior and drinking before performing in front of a bunch of kids).
Jules and Ralph do some pretty nasty things at other peoples' homes and that disturbs Ralph (until he gets really horny).
This is ... it's ... it .... This is short. You can probably read the whole thing while sitting on the toilet, which is kind of appropriate.
I think that there's supposed to be some sort of message here about appearances being deceiving, or how erotica really isn't very sexy, but that message gets lost behind lines like:
Ralph never considered himself to be much of a foot guy, but the hooves resting on him were almost enough to cause some spontaneous squirting. ...
The smell of vodka and cigarette on her breath was the finest aphrodisiac he'd ever inhaled. ...
He watched Jules go to town on a huge burrito, "Damn, where do you put all that?" he asked, taking another stab at flirting. ...
She reminded him of a Hot Pocket. Smoking hot on the outside with an icy interior.
Okay...that last one made me laugh, I admit.
The book relies on one through-line, which Jules says near the end: "I'm a horrible person and you're one ugly motherf*er. A perfect fit if I've ever seen one." If you like this idea, you might like this book. Unfortunately, I don't.
Looking for a good book? Me, too. 'Cause I didn't find one here.
I received a digital copy of this book from the publisher, through Netgalley, in exchange for an honest review.
November 12, 2016
It took me awhile to read this book and when I finally did, I was left disconnected. Seeing as I didn't connect with the story, the book cover, with the clown is quite scary and wow, I can't imagine having a clown dressed like that at my childhood parties, that would suck. So Ralph and Jules, quite the pair, and oh what they get up to right from the start of the story. I didn't care for Jules and I could barely stand Ralph and the plus side, the story is really short, but still needs some work.
July 7, 2016
The Princess and The Clown is a parody of erotica, which I was looking forward to reading. I was quickly sucked into reading this book about a Clown and a Princess, who meet at a children’s party they have both been employed to perform at. Of course, with a princess (a term frequently used in erotica novels) our clown narrator calls her it more than twice and sends up that particular cliché. There are also foot rubs (or rubbing the bunions on her feet) and the mention of sexual diseases. The taboos of sex, even in the closest of relationships. You wouldn’t think it possible that sex could be that unsexy, could you?
I like that the Princess is not your average woman, or at least a woman often written of. She is in her forties and has a muffin top and stretch marks, as well as being sassy. Similarly the Clown has not got a six pack and isn’t a millionaire.
The conversation between the two characters is witty and there are some great one liners. Author Ian Thomas Malone is obviously a confident writer and has the capability to write humour, with what seems little effort at all.
The genre of this novel has been turned on its head.
My one complaint would be that this was too short and some of the characters sparingly used.
If you are bored with the usual erotic literature then The Princess and the Clown will have your faith restored and will tickle you pink too.
November 15, 2016
Um....It's a weird clown book with sex, rude comments, and adult themes. Everything I've always wanted from a clown. I think.
This book was like a train wreck, I couldn't look away. You see the wreck but your mind can't wrap about what it's seeing, that's this book only your mind can't wrap around what you are reading. Like a junkie, needing her next fix, I couldn't stop!! I had to see how they were going to up their game the next time.
Jules is pretty, but a black hole of despair on the inside. Ralph is the opposite, gnarly outside and a good heart on the inside. Awe. So how do these two clowns meet? At a kids birthday party of course. Where he goes down town on Jules. WHAT?! I know right.
Then the story keeps going, upping the ante. How far will they go? And will they get caught?
The sex is not erotic, it's ok. You'd think a man would be pretty descriptive. Not that I was hoping he'd get out his rubber chicken and make it crow till dawn, that's not what I'm talking about. Glossing over stuff, not erotic.
I'm not sure who or how to recommend this book. But um, if you need a fast read that kind of eye brow raising, this is it! Hands down! Get on it bitches!!
This book was like a train wreck, I couldn't look away. You see the wreck but your mind can't wrap about what it's seeing, that's this book only your mind can't wrap around what you are reading. Like a junkie, needing her next fix, I couldn't stop!! I had to see how they were going to up their game the next time.
Jules is pretty, but a black hole of despair on the inside. Ralph is the opposite, gnarly outside and a good heart on the inside. Awe. So how do these two clowns meet? At a kids birthday party of course. Where he goes down town on Jules. WHAT?! I know right.
Then the story keeps going, upping the ante. How far will they go? And will they get caught?
The sex is not erotic, it's ok. You'd think a man would be pretty descriptive. Not that I was hoping he'd get out his rubber chicken and make it crow till dawn, that's not what I'm talking about. Glossing over stuff, not erotic.
I'm not sure who or how to recommend this book. But um, if you need a fast read that kind of eye brow raising, this is it! Hands down! Get on it bitches!!
October 22, 2016
When the author said that this would probably be quite different from what I was used to reading, he wasn't wrong. Traditional, this most definitely is not. I would probably go as far as to say that this is almost a parody of an erotic romance.
That might not be your cup of tea. More frog than prince charming. And if you can get past that, then what you will find, at its very base level, is a story of two lonely people who find something very unexpected, yet very welcome at a child's birthday party.
On a purely technical level, the characters created by the author have a sense of reality about them which is sometimes missing. Flawed, and struggling with life. And I think that this really allows the reader to make a connection.
Overall, this was a well written, unusual romance. I don't think it quite hit all the right notes for me, but it was, nevertheless, very readable.
I received a copy in exchange for an honest review.
That might not be your cup of tea. More frog than prince charming. And if you can get past that, then what you will find, at its very base level, is a story of two lonely people who find something very unexpected, yet very welcome at a child's birthday party.
On a purely technical level, the characters created by the author have a sense of reality about them which is sometimes missing. Flawed, and struggling with life. And I think that this really allows the reader to make a connection.
Overall, this was a well written, unusual romance. I don't think it quite hit all the right notes for me, but it was, nevertheless, very readable.
I received a copy in exchange for an honest review.
October 3, 2020
Wow I have never read a book quite like this one. Ralph is a sweet over the hill clown and Jules a horny down on her luck princess(?) Together they take you on a down and dirty sex filled adventure. The sexual things Jules talk Ralph into doing are unbelievable. If you are looking for something different to read this is it. The only thing I would have added to the story is a little bit more of Jules past history. I was given a copy by NetGalley and Green Muffin Publishing for my honesty review
May 11, 2017
It's a weird book but it's fast. Certainly not your typical romance but if you want something left of center, this has two oddball characters that have an attraction that is unique.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews